the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
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Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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