so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
