I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
