my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
