That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
