There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
