You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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