Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
