In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
