There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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