I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he shaved USA in his pubs
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
