so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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