so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
