hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Two words: nipple clamps
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