i would punch a child for taco bell
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
