Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
