Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How does one acquire holy water?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
