3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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