yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
