he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
