i don't like sucking hair
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
