i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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