I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
