its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
