me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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