I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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