my vag is so smooth its legendary
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
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You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
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i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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