can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
