thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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