The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
