I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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