rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
