you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
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So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
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do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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