How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
