Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
