Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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