please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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