If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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