i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
