Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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