My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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