And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
