***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
