For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
