Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
