his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
