I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
