She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
