theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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