I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
