The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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