Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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