He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
