Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
