did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My bed smells like the plague
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
