yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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