I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
