you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
