i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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