Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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