Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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