Already got asked if we're dating
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
