All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize