Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
