Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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