My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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