can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
