I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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