i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
