So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
