Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
