I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
