i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
