I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
