So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
